Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
