my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
