sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize