I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
