yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
