I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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