so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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