I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she told me i tasted like america
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
