We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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