how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You may now shotgun with the bride
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
