you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
