Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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