hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
