Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
