even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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