So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
