Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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