My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
