fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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