Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
