I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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