Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
