You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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