We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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