can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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