I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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