I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
