I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
