She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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