Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
