And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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