Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
