u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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