So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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