she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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