I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
