If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
