the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
