You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
