My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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