He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
