On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
