My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
