I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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