I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
