she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
