Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
