It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
