i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Come see our sink grown plant.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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