Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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