summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
sarcasm needs its own font
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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