my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
