It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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