At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
