Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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