Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
