cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
