That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Sacagawea was the original milf.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
