i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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