i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
