this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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