I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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