so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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