I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
