Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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