There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
COCAINE IS GR8
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
