I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
