Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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