Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
