Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
