the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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