i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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