so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
